Child Psychologist

“If trying to make [kids] happy is your primary goal every day, you're going to have a disaster. Happiness is great if you can have it as a side effect of kids learning to behave well, listen to adults and do the things they need to do.”

Dr. Annye Rothenberg, Ph.D.

Child/Parent Psychologist

Emerald Hills, CA

650-364-4466

Dr. Rothenberg's Top Tips

Have kids keep a short wish list of fixed length. Only let them use their money to purchase items which remain on the list for a meaningful period of time.

Chores are essential for all kids, but are especially important for families hiring gardeners and maids. Let chores change from time to time.

Let kids fail and be frustrated when the stakes are small. A forgotten lunch or homework should result in hunger or a note home, not an extra trip by parents.

Stay off cell phones and laptops during sacred family time. It is profoundly demeaning to your child.

Limit kids’ electronics use. They literally become addicted and abandon anything that is not 100% fun.

Prepare dinner together. Preschoolers can tear lettuce. Middle schools students can salt and spice.

Avoid the “Spanish Inquisition” at dinner and when picking children up from school. Model sharing of anecdotes and then be patient.

Kids spill the beans at bedtime. Allow time for quiet sharing.

Do not rely on schools to identify behavior problems. Morose, angry or anxious behavior may not come out at school.

“Invariably kids are referred in seventh-grade, which is when you start seeing problems surface. You can actually map out the process where an issue that isn't addressed by eighth grade multiplies incredibly by ninth-grade and then it just blows through the ceiling in 10th grade.”

Dr. John Martin, Ph.D.

Child/Parent Psychologist

Redwood City, CA

650-324-8945

Dr. Martin's Top Tips

Make your spouse, not your children the center of your universe. The opposite leads to children with an entitlement complex.

Don’t over organize or over supervise your children’s play. Having to make decisions and manage relationships during play prepares them for later life.

Parents’ are headed for disaster if their tolerance for conflict is low, need to be liked high and parenting goal to make their child happy.

Chores make children feel that they belong. “We can’t have dinner if you are not here to set the table.” Children should do at least two things every day that improve or maintain the common areas of the house.

Take a picture of how your child’s room is supposed to look. When it looks like the picture, it is clean.

None of us are born with self discipline. Teaching it to a child will involve conflict and discomfort. A parent’s job is to convey that their child is loved, not to make their child happy.

The most effective punishments are physical chores. If a child refuses, have them remain in their room until they decide to do the chore. They gain a choice, a way out which requires them to accept the punishment. They are much less likely to become passive and disengaged. And there is no need to argue.